Waiting for the whales

The strong, bold bluffs of the interior passages now give way to gentler elevations along the Pacific seaboard, but the country gradually rises from the coast until but a few miles back the same old cloud-capped, snow-covered peaks recur, and as we stand well out to sea they look as abrupt as ever. - Frederick Schwatka “The Inside Passage” 1886

July 21, 2007

I’m on the ferry now. Traveling through the inside passage, with a couple hundred other people on a boat, I feel odd. I can’t quite figure out what it is.

July 22, 2007

Yesterday, I saw a whale. My first whale. It was a humpback whale…breaching repeatedly as if welcoming me to it’s home. It was so close I could feel the splash on my face. People around me were snapping pictures, but I couldn’t. I was too stunned, too mesmerized. I know it sounds silly.

There were more whales yesterday. Over and over, they would reveal themselves by the spray from their blowhole visible from a mile away. I was in heaven.

So as I sit here, perched at the ready, waiting for the whales…my thoughts wonder. I am in my element. This is what I wanted my life to be like. I was going to be a marine biologist and live on boat, working with whales or dolphins. But I’m not. I became pregnant. I had a baby by myself instead. I became a teacher so I could be a mom. Am I okay with it? Do I have regrets?

For a moment, I’m afraid of the answer. I search inside, crawling through the dark recesses. I turn over the ugly spots. I sit with that odd, weird feeling. It doesn’t take as long as I anticipate. I thought it was a harder question. I am okay. I have no regrets. 

Hearing Tyler next to me, ” Mom, I have to go to the bathroom, but if I leave I might miss another whale.” I laugh. We’ve both refused to eat or leave our perch. We’re afraid to miss anything. This is my element. I’m a mom. Sharing moment after moment with her son, while the whales dance by.

This entry was posted on August 7, 2007 at 10:25 am and is filed under travel, about me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.