Exploring and the Labyrinth

August 8, 2007 by annie.

July 25, 2007

Juneau, Alaska

Today has been a day of contrasts. I set out to explore Juneau. Luckily for me, that began as a straight-forward task. Egan Drive is the main highway that runs through town. (Although calling it a highway is a major stretch.) It heads approximately forty miles north from downtown and then dead-ends. Pretty straight-forward. I had forty miles of scenery to explore.

At about mile 23 we came upon the Shrine of St. Therese, a Catholic chapel built in 1939. We had heard this was a not-to-miss spot and it was easy to see why. The small, cobblestone chapel was built on an island connected to the mainland by a 400-foot causeway. The island was completed secluded and the chapel was invisible until you walked across the causeway and came upon it. It was beautiful, whether or not you are Catholic.

But my favorite part? There was a prayer labyrinth! Suddenly the explorations of the day were no longer straight-forward. Things were curvy. If I walked the labyrinth, what problem would I seek to settle? What question can I gnaw at? What struggle am I willing to wrestle with?

Is there a God? Does Jesus exist? How do you make yourself believe something? Is saying it enough?

The truth is, I’m not a believer. I used to be. Some days, I want to be. Most days, if I search myself, I can drum up fear. I want to believe on the off chance that I might live in hell for the rest of eternity. Then, if I search deeper, I find…it’s not there. The other truth…my biggest fear…I don’t want to live forever. No matter where it is.

I had a therapist once who said if you repeat something to yourself enough you will believe it. Should I wake up every morning and tell myself I believe in Jesus? Why?

The labyrinth didn’t provide any answers for me. So I continue to explore.

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