Saving the Salmon

July 25, 2007 - Juneau, Alaska

After dinner, we decided to walk along the beach and came to a creek with a large number of eagles and other birds around. Walking up to the creek, it turns out, the salmon runs had begun. Locals had told us the town goes a little haywire when the salmon starts running. For some of the local population, it is their livelihood. The others, it seems, just try to get out of the way. Juneau also receives 800,000 tourists from (mostly) cruise ships that dock in their harbor. And yes, they want salmon too.

The whole concept of the salmon run gets to me. Male and female fish swimming against all odds (fisherman, bears, birds, etc.) to reproduce. Then they die.

Tyler thinks if humans had to reproduce that way there wouldn’t be any children. ”Mom, why do they even do it? Why not just swim in the ocean and enjoy life?”

I tried to explain the idea of purpose. ”This is what salmon are supposed to do. They don’t think the way you and I do. They are meant to swim and reproduce this way.”

Tyler says, “It shouldn’t be that hard.”

Somewhere inside, something stirs. I sit, watching all of the activity around me. Fascinated (and weirdly, honored) by what I am witnessing. Suddenly Tyler is taking off his shoes and socks. “Mom, those two are stuck! They’re going to die if I don’t help them.” He rolls up his pants, grabs a stick, walks into the water and shoves the salmon into deeper water. He’s thrilled that he’s saved two salmon.

I’m secretly touched. He proudly talks about his “salmon saving” for quite awhile. In the midst of his blabbering (and Tyler does blab), I hear him say, “I know they will die anyway, but maybe I have helped them reach their purpose.”

Now, sitting in a hotel, writing in my journal, I cry. Tears of joy. Tears of happiness.

Maybe some parents are confident in their relationship with their children. Maybe some parents are positive that their children are okay. Maybe some parents never question whether they are a good mom or dad. Not me. Things have been hard for Tyler and I. That’s a fact. If I didn’t acknowledge that, I’d be an idiot. Most of the time, through all of the hardness, we’ve had a great relationship. In the last few years, some things changed. I was married and then divorced. Tyler blamed me. He was angry. He sided with my ex. For a long time, we struggled to connect. I began to question whether or not we could heal.

I also started to worry about the kind of man I wanted Tyler to be. Was he going to grow up to be a good man? If we couldn’t find our way back, how could I help him be that man? Slowly, over time, we began to reconnect. We began to heal. We talked again, we laughed again, we went to the movies, took trips, and had birthday parties where I tried to pretend I was cool (which I’m not).

And here today I find a nugget. Is Tyler going to grow up to be a good man? Well…if he helps them reach their purpose.

This entry was posted on August 9, 2007 at 10:45 am and is filed under travel, about me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.